Flash Cars and Fake Tans

I have to divulge my secret obsession which I've been feeding for the last 6 months. I'm torn, because it's so embarrassing that I don't want anybody to know about it, but it's also so delightfully good, that it would be a shame to keep it from you. So, if you're in a judging mood...probably don't read this post right now. Or read it, but understand that you are going to feel very judgmental of me in about 3 minutes. So, without further ado, here is it:



The Only Way is Essex.

I was first made aware of this delightful show after reading about it in the New York Times. I know, a reputable new source. Evidence to the fact that I didn't go looking for trouble; trouble found me.

This is a british reality television show, a la Jersey shore, which follows around a posse of decked-out, silicone enhanced, right-side steering wheel Ferrari driving, scenesters as they tool around the whimsical cobblestone streets of Essex (which I gather is like the Beverly Hills of England). What makes it so good?

1. I have NO idea who these people are. Unlike Jersey Shore, or Real Housewives of Atlanta, I don't have any idea of the context. Are they supposed to be trashy? Are they A-listers? Who knows. And that makes it all the better. I want my reality television to be unencumbered by any notions of faux real-world relevance. It's pointless and silly, let's keep it that way.



2. Weird slang. Young social upandcomer Joey Essex likes to wear jeans so tight it hurts to look at, and describes absolutely everything as "totally reem." I'm not sure what this means, and it's not clear if anyone else understands it either, but you gotta love someone who can just take some random word and make it, well, you know, totally fetch.



3. Continental bromance. The fellas of Essex like to share clothes, go on spa days, and get in some good old fashioned tickle fights.



Strangely, it's not as trashy as it seems, despite the almost constant champagne intake, breast implants galore, and seemingly unending free-time on their hands, the debauchery is only ever alluded to. Which is not to say that it's classy, but it's not nearly as gauche as its American counterparts (ahem, I mean you Snooki.) It's all right there on Hulu, just waiting for you. So, if you find yourself with an extra week of life that you need to fritter away...the only way is Essex.

Now please stop judging me.

<3